Hypocrite junction
I thought I hated the guy who lives on the ground floor of my building. He always leaves safeway bags full of garbage outside his apartment door for me to see when I make my way into the building. I think that's gross. Still do. However, this evening the guy in G-4 redeemed himself when I made my way in the door. First, he said hi to me. Then as I was walking past him he asked me if I was going to take the elevator. This story can only be told in dialogue format for full effectiveness.
G-4: You taking the elevator?
Me (aka 1207): Yeah, did you need me to hold it for you (he was headed to the front door with a safeway bag full of garbage)?
G-4: No, I just wanted to warn you that I almost got stuck in there earlier today. I was halfway between floors and the thing stalled out on me and sat there for a minute before it started up again. Piece of shit.
Me: Shit...I'll take the stairs then. I heard we're getting new elevators here in September. Some guy on the 11th floor told me that.
G-4: (makes a scoff sound) Hmph. Yeah, and they're going to start cleaning this place too, right?
Me: hahaha.
fin
On the long and painful walk up the stairs (took them two at a time, since I didn't get to run or play basketball today), I realized that my Crap Shack is the friendliest building I've ever lived in. I don't have a Kramer next door to me, but everyone's nice to everyone else here. They acknowledge each other on the premises and we talk about how shitty the building is when we're in the elevator for half-hour periods. The crap nature of my Crap Shack has fostered an overall great repore among its tenants. In an odd way, I think I've actually developed an attachment to my Crap Shack. I'll even go as far as to say that as long as I'm living in Edmonton, I'll call the Crap Shack home.
And that's just the tip of the hypocritical realization iceburg—check the sports blog for the other one, if you're interested—because I'm topical like that.
posted by Chris O @ 9:36 PM
4 Comments:
Natalie and I freaked when we found a note on my windshield last night. We thought it was one of your "friendly" neighbours.
Turns out it was you.
I used to enjoy going around town and writing people up for a citizen's ticket. Violations were incurred for double parking a vehicle that clearly isn't worth a double park, having a cheap ass car (read: neon) that has more accessories on it than it's worth, or for having some sort of quirk to your vehicle that is foolish. A common citizen's ticket would read like this:
"While your massive truck may make up for your itty bitty penis, it's still a relatively shitty vehicle. In light of this, you are receiving this citizen's ticket. You have a small penis."
Funny?
I drive a neon!
Anyway, the place where I park my car, the Varsity parking lot, has an identical neon of the exact same colour. However, you may verify this with Dan, it's covered with Looney Tunes shit, specifically the Tazmanian Devil shit. Thus, I feel smug and superior every time I walk by it after press nights.
And well you should. Neons and Cavaliers are fine on their own, but when people go and add diamond-studded spoilers on these cars that are worth more than the ride itself, I get annoyed.
Also, Looney Toones stuff is the worst of all the cheesey add-ons. Why not get Yosamite Sam mudflaps?
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