31 May, 2006

TV (in Canada) is awesome



Iris, you'd think that since May sweeps have come and gone that there would be no more good TV shows for you to be missing. Well, enter Game Show Marathon: some weird hybrid of those shows where D-List celebrities still rich enough to support themselves go on TV to raise money for their 'charities,' and obscure game shows no one under the age of 50 remembers. Hosted by none other than Ricki "Go Ricki" Lake and starring such celeberiffic luminaries as Paige Davis, Tim Meadows, Leslie Neilson, Kathy "Miss Peggy Hill" Najimy, and Lance Bass, it's already my new favourite summer TV show. Even better than Canada's Next Top Model which, after only one episode, I've vowed to never watch again, because it's already taking after the American version: they kicked off the most model-y girl in the competition in the first episode. I know she's from Sherwood Park but c'mon. Jeanne Beker, I'm giving you a WTF?!!

It isn't, nor will it ever be



I saw this car on my way to school this morning but was in too much of a hurry to take a picture of it. When I saw the car this morning, it was parked hastily at an angle (a very bad parkjob) and was parked in a no-parking zone, for which the owner was getting a ticket. It wasn't until I walked past the car, though, that I saw just how much the owner deserved his ticket. When I came back from school this afternoon, the car had been straightened out, but was still parked illegally in the same spot. Hopefully the metre maid left a note on the ticket that let the owner know that his CRAPPY RED CAVALIER is not, nor will it ever be a FERRARI, despite how many emblems you've put on your run of the mill shitbox that try to convince people otherwise. I'll never understand the phenomenon of taking low-end starter vehicles, then loading them up with add-ons that are worth more than the car you're putting them on. Why not take that money and buy a car that the people you're trying to impress might actually respect; a BMW or something? If you're into buying respect from people, why hope to do so with a Cavalier?

30 May, 2006

It's no cockroach ...


My life in Hong Kong finally took a turn towards the exotic. I saw this on our balcony yesterday. Of course, I don't know what exactly is this. But it looks kinda cute in a I-guess-it-looks-fine-on-the-other-side-of-the-window-but-if-it-flies-towards-me-during-a-rainy-day-I'll-totally-freak sorta way.

29 May, 2006

I'm one cockroach sighting short of come home, like, right now

With the Oilers entering the Stanley Cup finals for the first time in 15 years and my lack of friends in Hong Kong made more apparent by each passing day, I'm really tempted to come home now. (Also, it seems that despite being in a foreign country, my life is considerably less exotic than Chris's roomies.)

Then again, the Oilers have only lost one game ever since I left, and my presence on Canadian soil seems to jinx the team.

But I really miss the Black Dog, and random high-fives on Whyte Ave, and wireless internet access at home, and my electric toothbrush, and clean unpolluted air, and ...

28 May, 2006

Crap Shack update: the man stands up for himself

Normally in my Crap Shack, the noise I hear from the couple next door consists of the pregnant lady nagging the man who, I assume, impregnated her. I imagine she yells at him for the following:
- Knocking her up
- Having her live in a crappy apartment (possibly throwing in that it's in downtown Edmonton)
- Being too old to be a father (guy looks to be early 40s)

Today, though, after months of one-sided loudness, the man, who looks like a poor-man's Woody Allen, had enough. The lady's yelling was finally matched up with a resounding "Don't tell me what to do!" Much of their argument was lost in the not-so-superior sound-proofing in the building, but from where I'm sitting, the guy definitely had his loud, nagging companion on the ropes. Now there's silence. If I don't hear anything from them for the next 24–48 hours, I'll start to consider calling the cops about the possibility of foul play.

26 May, 2006

Plight of the hipster

The walk home from the university to my Crap Shack is infinitely better during the summer. Here, in picture form, are the highlights of the last few weeks in the Garneau/Grandin area:

I call this the Adbusters' worst nightmare. A McDonalds bag floating around in the air got caught up in a beautiful, natural tree. The environment died a little bit, there was undoubtedly a failed attempt at a protest by some annoying hipsters on Whyte, and I took a pic of what started the pomo-revolution.

After the failed attempt at a revolution, the hipsters made their way across the High Level Bridge, where they resolved that since they can't stop the conglomerate that is Mickey D's the least they could do is bitch about how boring their jobs there are:


Finally, with all hope lost, one hipster decided it was time to end it all; or at least to get some attention. He got up on top of the bridge and threatened to jump. I was too far away for him to hear my shouts of encouragement, and the police talked him down. Not sure if you can make out what's going on on the bridge with this pic. I was far away and the cops had the bridge closed off until this guy got off the ledge and was walked to safety.


In other news, I wrote the worst essay of my life this week. Super!

Hong Kong - The Meeting Place of Vegas Rejects

When I was a kid, my aunt worked at the Hong Kong Tourist Association. Back in the days, the HKTA motto was "Hong Kong - Wonders Never Cease" (I know because we didn't have to buy any stationary during those years and that motto was on every single pen, memo stack and calender that my aunt brought back.) However, after seeing an assortment of concert posters on the street, I think an update is necessary.

First to touch down in Hong Kong is Paul Anka. No, not the dog in Gilmore Girls, but the actual Order of Canada recipient Paul Anka. Unfortunately, I was still in Shanghai at the time of the concert and I couldn't go. Also, ticket was expensive.

Then, we got Michael Flately. Yes, that's right guys, the LORD OF THE DANCE will be in Hong Kong. The show is called Celtic Tiger. The sad part is that people are totally willing to pay $1290 (approx $200 CDN) to see a show called Celtic frickin' Tiger. I predict sequins. LOTS of sequins.





Ironically, I was mocking the Chinese concert promoter, whoever he might be, when I saw the Bee Gees poster in Shanghai a couple weeks ago. OMFG. You mean he still tours? Like, there's an audience for him? In China?! But I shouldn't laugh. Robin Gibb is probably a lesser evil than the Lord of the Dance.












And one more picture before I leave. I saw this when I was browsing the NHL website for Oilers score (they sure are doing well ever since I left the country, probably to the dismay of Tyson) and I saw this:


Captions can do no justice.

21 May, 2006

More blanks filled in

Sorry for being so slack, e-roomie. Here's what I think you're missing out on/missed out on:
My shoe collection continues to grow. Today I picked up the Air Jordan IV retro in all-white.

As far as TV goes, Desperate Housewives' season finale is on tomorrow night. Carlos may be injured or could die. I watched Days on Friday after my class got out and Marlena is like this close to getting her memory back. I think Alex dies next week. Or he'll reveal himself to be Stefano. Hopefully the return of Stefano marks the return of daytime TV's most underrated villain, Dr. Rolf, the deranged but comical Eastern European surgeon with no conscience or common sense. I watched a hilarious new show on Showcase this past week called, "It's always sunny in Philadelphia." I thought it wouldn't be good, but I was hooked after some tasteless jokes were made about cancer and dating transexuals. A kick ass singalong sequence to Rick Astley also took place. This show is gold.

Funny pics of cars:
Seen in Banff a few weeks ago. Yes folks, that appears to be a homemade spoiler on a bland-looking 80's boat car. Sunnyvale Trailer Park stand up!


Seen in a parking lot in the west end, and then miraculously in the parking lot of my Crap Shack a few days ago! Yes, those are jersey seat covers.



That's all I got.

20 May, 2006

Overseas-on finale update...




Iris, here's what's transpired on North American TV since you've been gone. Marissa "Coop" Cooper died over on the O.C. (That's no spoiler--Access Hollywood already took care of that). ANTM boiled down to Joanie and Danielle. Jade was more deluded and more grammatically incorrect than ever. Hint on who won: the one I didn't like; it's always the one I didn't like. Alias is chugging along. Vauhgn's back in action, Sydney killed the Sydney-clone and went undercover as Anna Espinosa as Sydney. The last two episodes are on Monday so we'll see what happens... Will & Grace is over. Turns out the fag-and-hag duo becomes estranged for 20 years, only to reunite after both their kids end up at college together (Strangers With Candy sidenote: Grace's grown up, college-aged daughter is the gal who played Tammi Littlenut on SWC. She's actually in her thirties which is sorta weird, but anyway... this whole comment in parentheses is completely unnecessary.) Umm... I don't really know what other shows you'd be mildly interested in, but let me know and I'll pass on the info. One question, though. Are there tabloids in Hong Kong? Like a Chinese version of Weekly Scoop or something?

18 May, 2006

Crap Shack-Hong Kong Chapter

First thing first, I'm really disappointed in my roommates. Look, if I can get a hold of a sanitized version of Google while I was in Shanghai and managed to know that the Oilers, somehow through the power of Chris's playoff beard, managed to won the fucking series, then my loser roommates should be able to post more pictures of retarded car accessories in Edmonton and trashy Edmonton Sun covers. (I couldn't blog because what the New York Times said was true, you can't access blogger within China.) I'm sad to miss out on all those birthday drinking excursions. I'll remember you as I party in the Hong Kong equivalent of Bungalow 8.

Anyway, I'm in Hong Kong now and once I found my USB cable, you'll get to see a bunch of pictures-including a cool looking Dairy Queen. Also, while I was shopping in a local grocery store, I came across a Japanese commercial which was like the Mr Sparkles commercial in The Simpsons with Japanese version of Steven Cojocaru promoting toothpaste. I'll try to get a video of that the next time I go shopping.

07 May, 2006

Living in Alberta, part two


Yes, that's a limotruck


Yesterday's front page of the Sun.

Go.

03 May, 2006

Crotch Nazi + Cape Guy = memorable birthday moments

Part one of my birthday celebration started with a bang—or more accurately, loud blaring horns from cars driving up and down Whyte and random high-fives from strangers. The Oilers indeed have won the series and it looked like all of the Oiler fans in the city have flash mobbed Whyte and they all needed to be physically restrained from having sex with inanimate objects. The doorman at the Black Dog looked as us funny as we're probably the only people on Whyte not outwardly showing our allegiance to the local sports team through some apparel choice. He was unimpressed when I pointed out that it was my birthday—or you know, 3 hours before my birthday.

Once we got our drinks, the fun had trulyly began. I took out a bunch of my business cards and wrote down some pick-up lines on the back. The goal was to give away most of my business cards since they were, as of May 1, obsolete. It became the party game. There was an overly excited guy in a blazer and he was wearing an Oilers armband. Inspired by his mad gesturing, I wrote down "You know who else wear armbands? Nazis! (call me)" One of the guys wrote "The Oilers won, you wanna use it as lube? *heart* Iris" Neal was very excited and he went about handing them out, with the armband one, of course, going to the armband guy.

Now, when you compare a man's clothing choice to Nazism, it's pretty safe to say that it's not a compliment. However, about 30 minutes and 3 business cards later, armband guy came up to me, while I was talking to Matt and Dan, compared my face to the picture on the business card and dragged me away. He twirled me in the middle of the bar (which would be kinda cute if it was somebody else) and then kissed me. Except he was really drunk and he's a bad kisser and his mouth smelled like cigarettes and it was more like he was making out with my chin ... with a lot of tongue. The peanut gallery in the background went quiet and Natalie took pictures. Then, he said I was very forward and I'm like, you pinned me against the bar, so I can't really do anything, dude. Then he said I'm "independent and sassy" and bought me a drink. I then decided to retreat and go back to the girls.

Now normally, this action would be considered as "being a cocktease." However, after he told me I was independent and sassy, he reached for my hand and placed it on his crotch. One moment I was ordering a pint of grasshopper from the bartender, the next moment he held my hand and the next moment, my hand was on his crotch area in an action that could be considered as harassment or even assault. Totally grossed out and unimpressed (not to say I was not already unimpressed by that armband). Because of his actions and our proud tradition of creative nickname for guys, Natalie christened him "Crotch Nazi." He was later seen twirling another girl in the bar (but did not buy her a drink) and then thrown out of the bar. Matt and Scott talked about fighting him on account of his douchbag-ness. Matt was very upset by his actions.

The Black Dog was quite busy and there were many guys with creative interpretations of Oilers apparel. There was this one guy who was wearing an Oilers flag as a cape. It's very five-year-old pretending to be Superman. Apparently, Neal gave him and card and apparently it must have been a more restrained card because he actually came by and sat down as I was finishing my hard-earned pint of grasshopper. The girls left booth to "give us some privacy" but then stood two feet away and won't stop staring. Natalie took some pictures again. (check out Natalie's Facebook—which deserves another blog entry later—for pictures of both guys as well as a photodocumentary of me slowing falling apart through the course of the evening.

Cape guy was a nice guy. He told me that he came with his friends but they left, so he's alone. Then we talked hockey. A lot. Then he told me he goes to NAIT and he sounded very earnest. I was starting to get really drunk and for some strange reason, I told him it was my 18th birthday. I don't know why I lied about my age because it was really unnecesssary. I think he bought it, even though Natalie and Tyson immediatly burst into laughter when they heard it. We then went to the Strat and we left Cape Guy at the Black Dog. He was really a nice guy. Not someone I'd date, but I will feel really bad when he actually calls Gaumont.

The Strat was a blur for me. I only remember drunk dialing many people. But no more guys.