Crotch Nazi + Cape Guy = memorable birthday moments

Part one of my birthday celebration started with a bang—or more accurately, loud blaring horns from cars driving up and down Whyte and random high-fives from strangers. The Oilers indeed have won the series and it looked like all of the Oiler fans in the city have flash mobbed Whyte and they all needed to be physically restrained from having sex with inanimate objects. The doorman at the Black Dog looked as us funny as we're probably the only people on Whyte not outwardly showing our allegiance to the local sports team through some apparel choice. He was unimpressed when I pointed out that it was my birthday—or you know, 3 hours before my birthday.

Once we got our drinks, the fun had trulyly began. I took out a bunch of my business cards and wrote down some pick-up lines on the back. The goal was to give away most of my business cards since they were, as of May 1, obsolete. It became the party game. There was an overly excited guy in a blazer and he was wearing an Oilers armband. Inspired by his mad gesturing, I wrote down "You know who else wear armbands? Nazis! (call me)" One of the guys wrote "The Oilers won, you wanna use it as lube? *heart* Iris" Neal was very excited and he went about handing them out, with the armband one, of course, going to the armband guy.

Now, when you compare a man's clothing choice to Nazism, it's pretty safe to say that it's not a compliment. However, about 30 minutes and 3 business cards later, armband guy came up to me, while I was talking to Matt and Dan, compared my face to the picture on the business card and dragged me away. He twirled me in the middle of the bar (which would be kinda cute if it was somebody else) and then kissed me. Except he was really drunk and he's a bad kisser and his mouth smelled like cigarettes and it was more like he was making out with my chin ... with a lot of tongue. The peanut gallery in the background went quiet and Natalie took pictures. Then, he said I was very forward and I'm like, you pinned me against the bar, so I can't really do anything, dude. Then he said I'm "independent and sassy" and bought me a drink. I then decided to retreat and go back to the girls.

Now normally, this action would be considered as "being a cocktease." However, after he told me I was independent and sassy, he reached for my hand and placed it on his crotch. One moment I was ordering a pint of grasshopper from the bartender, the next moment he held my hand and the next moment, my hand was on his crotch area in an action that could be considered as harassment or even assault. Totally grossed out and unimpressed (not to say I was not already unimpressed by that armband). Because of his actions and our proud tradition of creative nickname for guys, Natalie christened him "Crotch Nazi." He was later seen twirling another girl in the bar (but did not buy her a drink) and then thrown out of the bar. Matt and Scott talked about fighting him on account of his douchbag-ness. Matt was very upset by his actions.

The Black Dog was quite busy and there were many guys with creative interpretations of Oilers apparel. There was this one guy who was wearing an Oilers flag as a cape. It's very five-year-old pretending to be Superman. Apparently, Neal gave him and card and apparently it must have been a more restrained card because he actually came by and sat down as I was finishing my hard-earned pint of grasshopper. The girls left booth to "give us some privacy" but then stood two feet away and won't stop staring. Natalie took some pictures again. (check out Natalie's Facebook—which deserves another blog entry later—for pictures of both guys as well as a photodocumentary of me slowing falling apart through the course of the evening.

Cape guy was a nice guy. He told me that he came with his friends but they left, so he's alone. Then we talked hockey. A lot. Then he told me he goes to NAIT and he sounded very earnest. I was starting to get really drunk and for some strange reason, I told him it was my 18th birthday. I don't know why I lied about my age because it was really unnecesssary. I think he bought it, even though Natalie and Tyson immediatly burst into laughter when they heard it. We then went to the Strat and we left Cape Guy at the Black Dog. He was really a nice guy. Not someone I'd date, but I will feel really bad when he actually calls Gaumont.

The Strat was a blur for me. I only remember drunk dialing many people. But no more guys.