Documentary proves it: mankind is pretty f*cking awesome
After seeing the celebrated documentary Sharkwater on the small/medium screen (read: Princess II) last night, I learned some important lessons. Sharks are disappearing faster than any other species on earth; approx. 180,000 sharks die in a single day; sharks aren't the killers that Steven Spielberg would have you believe, as they only kill about 5 people per year.
Think about that for a minute. Sharks kill 5 people per year. Mankind kills approx. 65.7 million sharks in a year. Look at that ratio and let it sink in for a minute and you'll come to the realization that I came to last night.
We are totally awesome.
Look at a shark. Look at their enormous, razor sharp teeth, and consider that they can grow to be 12 feet long. Then look at the average human. You wouldn't think that it'd be a close contest. Sharks should be devouring us, but they're not. The Goliath is getting slaughtered at the hands of David at a rate of 13.1 million for every human sharks get.
From our dominance over sharks to our straight up owning of fossil fuels, we've got a lot to be proud of. As a species that is never content and always moving on to bigger and better things, I think our next target should be the annihilation of giraffes. They're stupid and enormous. Let's get them.
posted by Chris O @ 3:37 PM
6 Comments:
Imagine this, though: Sharks with legs. Who would win that battle royale?
Can the humans still have their tools of superiority? I put my money on humans.
Robin brings up a good point, though: not only are we winning 13.7 million to 1, but we're doing it in the sharks' building.
I don't know if we're really winning it in the sharks' building though. I mean, that would be true if we're floating in the water, trying to kill them with our tools. But as it stands, humans have the distinct advantage of boats, which adds an extra layer of separation between us and those suckers.
Also, according to Mythbusters, don't punch a shark's nose when under attack. It's actually boney cartilage there. Punch the gills or the eyes instead. Though if you fail at doing either, you stand to mess up the 13.7 million:1 ratio.
Hey Chris, remember when you moved into the metaphorical Crap Shack and be my metaphorical roomie, my #1 rule was NO UNDERWEAR LYING AROUND? Remember?!!?!?
Well, guess what I found on the towel rack in the bathroom that day. Gross underwear. My real roomie sucks serious shit. I should feed her to the sharks.
You should tell your roomie she sucks serious shit. The only way to address problems is head on. Kind of like how humans do with sharks. We want their fins so that we can sell them to other people for $200 US per pound, and the sharks have them. So we cut them off and throw the fin-less bodies back in the water. Hey wait a minute. Irony of all ironies: who am I pictured with here in my id pic? None other than Mike FINley of the San Antonio Spurs. Nuts, no?
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